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Life HACKED.

Chris Bittle, Staff Writer

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Have you ever been scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and seen one of those posts marketed as “life hacks”? Yes, you have. You’ve seen them everywhere. Things like using a straw to remove the stem of a strawberry, or hiding your spare key under a rock in an old medicine bottle. These ideas sell themselves as things that “make life easier”- hence the name life “hack”. Urban Dictionary defines ‘life hacking’ as, “the act of making small tweaks to everyday activities in an effort to make them easier and more efficient”. With that, the topic of discussion then becomes- how much easier and efficient will this really make my life? Conceptually, being able to use random items lying around the house to solve all of the petty first world problems 21st-century suburbia throws at us is tempting! In practice, however- that’s what I’m here to find out. This is Life. HACKED.

Hack #1: Opening a soda bottle with a piece of computer paper.

I picked this ‘hack’ to be the first of the column because it peaked my own self-interest. For a junior guy in high school, my dexterity is off the charts- negatively off the charts, that is. Opening pickle jars and soda bottles- anything of the sort was not exactly included the gift basket God gave me when I was extracted from my female parental unit sixteen years ago. Needless to say, an easier means of achieving such feats was hope-provoking. Credit for this one goes to the Instagram account: @life_hacks

All this hack requires is the bottle you would like to open, as well as a sheet of printer paper. Pretty simple, eh?

Or so I thought.

Unfortunately, my wit did not aide my mission. Fortunately, at this moment, I realized I was going about this all wrong- I was supposed to fold it first. In retrospect, I should have had at least some sort of clue, ya know?

After folding my paper- bottle-opening style- it was time for the moment of truth. Would this single, simpleton sheet of parchment prove itself successful?

To answer the previous question, we must first ask ourselves: what is a success?

In this case, I defined success as opening a root beer bottle with a sheet of paper.

In this case, I did not open said root beer bottle

In this case, my little brother opened it for me and I enjoyed a refreshing beverage after my hard day at work.

Was I successful? You decide.

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Life HACKED.