We’ve all had that conversation. The conversation starts with ‘Don’t tell anybody I said this but’ or ‘Did you hear about what happened?’. The create fun conversations for sure, a exciting and certainly a cathartic experience. But while that excitement is very temporary, the harmful consequences that follow are anything but.

Gossiping is a social practice as old as civilization itself. In fact, according to a Time Magazine historical study in 2015, gossiping was found to be an inextricable part of social groups and structures. There are several historical examples of societies where gossiping was commonplace and less of a taboo. Ancient Greeks, for example, were known to be avid gossipers.

I’ve experienced forms of gossip in various places in my life. Whether it was witnessing ruthless Indian aunties discussing the latest drama in the community, as a kid watching my sister and her friends talking about the latest high school scandal, or through the conversations I have with my friends nowadays, I’m no stranger to the practice.

That’s why I can say from personal experience that it’s fun to gossip, and it’s hard to stop when you get into it. It can be the perfect way to relieve stress at the end of a long, frustrating day. There’s no bonding like the bonding that happens during a good gossip session. A study from the Nature Journal supports this, saying that in an experiment gossiping was found to have somewhat of a correlation with a reduction in cortisol (an indicator of lowering stress levels). So inherently, gossiping can’t be bad, right?

Wrong. Because it’s all fun and games till you’re the one being gossiped about.

In all the rush, you might forget about the person you are gossiping about. But the reality is victims of gossiping are often hurt and harmed in horrible ways. It hurts to be the subject of false rumors or ‘he said, she said’. I should know, I’ve felt firsthand how upsetting it is to find out people have been talking about you behind your back, especially when you thought those people were your friends.

I am certainly not alone in these feelings and negative experiences. In a WebMD article reviewed by Dr. Melinda Ratini, gossiping in many cases can be classified as a form of bullying of other people, and this form of bullying causes several detriments to mental and physical health. Gossiping can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and even depression for those who are victims of it.

You might think it’s okay to gossip as long as the nasty things you say never reach the person, but the odds of that happening are slim. The truth is that gossiping just becomes a cruel game of telephone. In the age of social media, that game goes a lot quicker and is a lot more dangerous.

Gossiping is by all means unethical and mean, Most people know but choose to ignore. There’s no denying it’s fun, and that’s the reason most probably do it despite knowing the consequences. This isn’t a call for you to cease all forms of gossip in the future; I know that’s not pragmatic. But the next time you gossip, think of the consequences your conversation might have on the person or people you’re talking about. Think carefully about what you’re saying, who you’re saying it to, and if you mean what you say. If all else fails, just remember the golden rule and keep quiet.