Forgoing the fact that it has defiled the pure essence of life that is regular water with the faintest flavor of rotten fruit and an overwhelming taste of tv static, sparkling water is the paragon of the ostentatiousness of the human race. We know sparkling water is disgusting. I would go as far as to say that drinking sparkling water is like consuming hatred and sadness in a poorly designed, economically noxious can. Yet, in a classist cultural brigade, people still consume this poison under the guise of enjoyment. I urge those people to save themselves – stop drinking sparkling water.